Living in a Shelter - What to Expect

Making the decision to go to a shelter to flee domestic violence or sexual assault is not an easy choice. Most women and their children have endured quite a bit of violence before they realize things are not going to improve at home, and their lives are at risk. I worked in a shelter and therefore can tell you what to expect when you call the shelter and decide to go there. I would also encourage you to read *Beth's story which I wrote based on my contact with a caller who decided not to come into shelter, but rather leave the state. My heart goes out to her and she made the best choice she knew to make though her story did not turn out well. For that reason alone, I encourage you to go to a secure shelter for your safety.

When You Call
You will speak to a trained advocate who will help you figure out what your needs are. The advocate is trained to listen while you talk about your feelings. They will not judge you, and you alone will make the choices for your life. You will be able to call any time you need to talk whether you come for shelter or not. They are there to listen and help. Advocates understand that leaving your home is not an easy decision. They understand that it is common to leave and go back an average of 7 times before fleeing for good.

Services Offered
Most shelters offer several services to help you from the first step of calling to living on your own and away from the abuse. Here are some ways the Shelter will help. Many shelters offer much more.
* 24 hour crisis hotline
* Shelter for you and your children or whomever is living in abuse.
* Food for the duration of your stay is usually provided.
* Help with medical care and prescriptions.
* Professional Counseling for you and your children.
* Support Groups - Small group meetings with trained professionals and other survivors of abuse usually meet once or twice per week to discuss abuse. You are able to talk about your situation and hear other's stories while learning how to make needed changes and recognize abusers.
* Parenting Support - Usually offered in a group setting geared toward teaching parenting skills related to children who have lived in abusive homes.
* Legal Advocacy - A Legal Advocate will help you obtain a protective order, divorce if desired, advise you of your rights and accompany you to court as needed. Should you need medical treatment, she will also accompany you to help explain procedures and support you.
* Financial Aid - The shelter will be helping you in obtaining aid for your family to begin living on your own. This aid includes but is not limited to: HUD, AFDC, Food Stamps, and benefits for victims of a crime, legal aid, household goods, clothing, and aid and supplies for your children.
* Education - Help obtaining a GED, college or vocational training and education on Domestic Violence.
* Job Placement - Some shelters have a clothing pantry you can work in to ear money. Others will help you find employment in the area.
* Nutrition education.
* Relocation - As needed for your safety or if you desire to move near family etc.
* Continued assistance as needed.

Living in a Shelter
I can tell you what our shelter is like and it will likely describe most other shelters.
You will have a bedroom for your family. Most bedrooms offer the privacy of a closed door, When we get full, we have a few bedrooms that are considered thru rooms. They have doors that can be closed, but others will need to walk through to get to their rooms. Our shelter has 30 beds - usually 4 to a room bunk bed style. If you have no children with you and we are full, you may have to share a room with someone else. Most women find themselves becoming good friends with their roommate.

There is a large shared living room, kitchen, playroom and a reading room. At our shelter, we provide all the food and drinks. Our residents plan their menus based on the food we provide. Honestly, the residents eat better than I do at home! What we do not buy however, is soft drinks and snacks. We do get a lot of snacks donated, and right now have a huge supply of pudding, chips and cakes. Your family will get balanced meals. If you desire ice cream or pop at our shelter and it hasn't been donated, you can walk or drive somewhere and eat out if your finances allow it.

We have a large fenced in yard with a patio, picnic table and play gym. We also provide laundry soap and washer and dryer. We also have a clothing pantry and storehouse of furniture and goods for your new home provided by community donations.

At our shelter, you may leave in the morning if you like, and everyone must return by 9pm unless working. Advocates are there 24 hours a day for your protection and assistance. The program we offer includes a 45 day stay. This will vary among shelters.

* The name is changed to protect the privacy of the client.

Please close this page and find the appropriate links for you to find safety. If you can't find a link, write me and I will find it for you.