Physical Abuse

Physical abuse includes: hitting, shoving, slapping, pinching, pulling your hair, throwing things at you, holding you down, and even shooting or cutting you. If you find yourself in a physically abusive relationship, get out now. He needs help that he probably won't get if you stay.

COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS
* He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in his own family.
* He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments.
* Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to control their mates.
* His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's dependency upon him. He feels like a man only if his partner is totally submissive and dependent on him.
* Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Their primary, if not exclusive, relationship is with their wife/girlfriend.
* He has low self-esteem.
* He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership) and will not compromise. He expects her to behave according to his expectations of what a wife should be like; often the way his parents' marriage was, or it’s opposite. He demands that she change to accommodate his expectations.
* He has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He would not be drunk if she didn't nag him so much. He wouldn't get angry if only she would do what she's supposed to do. He denies the need for counseling because there's nothing wrong with him. Or he agrees to get counseling and then avoids it or makes excuses to not follow through. He might not want her to get counseling because, he reasons, she wouldn't have any problems if she only turned to him.
* He may be described as having a dual personality -- he is either charming or exceptionally cruel. He is selfish or generous depending on his mood.
* A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. He can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a con man.
* The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn't relate to his partner as a person in her own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when he's angry. He assumes that she is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other -- often his mother.

So again, if your partner has any of these characteristics, you need to flee for your safety. You are not alone, you are not imagining things or causing him to hit you. No one has the right to hurt you! Imagine what you would do if someone at work or at the grocery store did something to upset you? Would it be okay to hit them? The answer is obvious. If you hit that person, you would be as out of control as your partner is, and the consequences would be stiff. The only reason you partner is getting away with hitting you, is because he has likely been emotionally abusing you as well and thereby brainwashing you.

Please reach out for help. There are shelters everywhere to house you and your children. Shelters are not as bad as you might think. Please search our links, or your phone book for a shelter near you. Read our link "Living in a Shelter - What to expect' to find out how they can help.

Please close this page and find the appropriate links for you to find safety. If you can't find a link, write me and I will find it for you.