Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

Many women assume that if they're not being physically abused by their partner, then they're not being abused. That's not necessarily true. You may be in a relationship which is draining something from you. You might not have recognized that your partner has eroded your self-esteem and happiness.
An abusive partner will railroad discussions, so that you don't have time to think about what's right and what's wrong in their behavior. After being in an abusive relationship for a while, you may forget who you are because you are living through him and being programmed to forget what you want, think and feel. That is the result of Emotional abuse. I see many women come into our shelter who are so emotionally battered, they don't realize they have rights anymore.

Take a moment to consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it's obvious that they aren't:
*Do you feel you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you because he will become angry?
*Does your partner frequently criticize you, control you, or undermine your self-esteem?
*Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?
*Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?
*Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?
*Does your partner run up debts for you to handle?
*Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?
*Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?
*Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
*Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?
*Are you afraid of your partner?

THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)
One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.
1. The brainwasher keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.
Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.
2. The brainwasher controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brainwasher.
Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities. You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends. Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.
3. The brainwasher creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.
Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.
4. The brainwasher works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.
Your partner trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave. He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself.
5. The brainwasher puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.
In other words -- What he says, goes.

ABUSE USUALLY RUNS IN A CYCLE.
Phase 1 - TENSION BUILDING:
Tension increases, breakdown of communication, victim feels need to placate the abuser.
Phase 2 - INCIDENT:
Verbal and emotional abuse: Anger, blaming, arguing, threats, intimidation.
Phase 3 - RECONCILIATION:
Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, and denies the abuse occurred, or says it wasn't as bad as the victim claims.
Phase 4 - CALM:
Incident is "forgotten", no abuse is taking place.


EFFECTS OF LONG-TERM EMOTIONAL & VERBAL ABUSE ON THE VICTIM
Isolation from others - Low self-esteem - Depression - Emotional problems - Illness - Increased alcohol or drug use - Withdrawal from real life into an Internet alternative reality
If you suspect that your depression is being caused by, or intensified by, your relationship -- get help. Free assistance is available in any area of the country; check the front pages of your phone book. Any crisis hotline can give you referrals to help-programs and volunteer counseling. Also check our links to find help in your area.

Please close this page and find the appropriate links for you to find safety. If you can't find a link, write me and I will find it for you.