Beth's Story - From an Advocates position

Beth was a client of our shelter by phone only. She was not a local client, but found our number. She was in our state however. She called us many times for support over a period of a year and a half. Beth's abuser was her husband of 15 years and a police officer. Since I mention his job, I want to say that there are many good police officers and in fact most are caring law abiding individuals. It is quite shocking when someone in authority abuses others or breaks the law. But there are statistics out there that show it is not uncommon. I will leave it at that and get on to her story.

The phone would ring each night usually and sometimes more, and the voice on the phone would be barely distinguishable. A delicate whisper or whimper would come through and we would recognize her voice. We would have to listen very carefully as she told of hiding in the closet or watching out the window for her husband's return. Beth was afraid for her life.

Beth told us he would hit her, argue with her, and constantly put her down. He broke her ribs and other bones on several occasions. Most obvious to us was he broke her spirit. She not only talked quiet out of fear he would hear her, but also because he had destroyed her self esteem. She told of abuse she endured in her childhood; seeing her father beat her mother and rule the house with a wicked authority. She told of her children wetting their beds and her youngest son sleeping in the closet because of fear. Beth told us her husband would bring other police officers to her home to rape and abuse her. These officers were friends of his and members with him in some kind of satanic occult. Beth either did not realize the seriousness of his occult membership, or overlooked it. She told us all she knew was that they would go away at certain times of the year to drink blood of animals and her abuser told her, this was part of his Indian religious beliefs - that it gave them strength. This of course is not true nor practiced by Indians as a religion.

Beth told of her husband drowning kittens in front of the children and one night we received a call that he broke her arm and she had to go to the hospital again. She hadn't the courage to tell anyone around her what he was doing but, this time it was obvious she was being abused. Her husband was arrested for domestic battery. In the investigation, she told of being raped with his gun and other officers involved. At that time she did not give their names out of fear. Beth left her husband at that point. Beth had a lot of money and felt she did not need shelter, but would buy a nice home in a safe neighborhood. She did do that, and the home had a security system. Her abuser did not know where she lived 50 miles away.

Beth continued to call for support. She was off work due to the abuse for a short time, and was adjusting to living on her own. Her children were beginning to feel safe and sleep in their beds without wetting. She had hope finally for a future free from abuse. But her abuser was emailing her. He was outraged that she had him arrested and left her. Beth didn't 'have him arrested' but the hospital did. He lost Beth, his children, his job, his right to carry a firearm. He no longer had control. He threatened suicide in hopes of getting her back, and even suggested killing the whole family.

A month went by and Beth was able to go back to work. Unfortunately she called a few times and said he is outside in his car just sitting in front of her home. But every time she would call the police to report this, he would leave. We advised her that since he has lost everything, is now stalking her, and he is somehow able to know when she is calling the police, she should come to shelter. I remember advising her that abusers get much more violent just after you leave them. I told her I thought he was listening to her calls and that she should make sure she is not using a cordless or cell phone.

Beth's fear grew so much that she placed her children with her sister until things could calm down. She still did not want to come to shelter. Eventually she decided she would go on a 'vacation' to a state far away where she had a friend and never return. She carefully planned the trip and her sister took her and her children to the airport.

Beth and her children arrived at their destination and got a motel room. She was there 3 days enjoying her friend and the sights. As she slept with her 1 year old in the bed by the door, the other two children slept in the bed next to the wall. In the middle of the 3rd night, she remembers waking to a loud sound (he kicked the door in) and seeing his angry face in the mirror. He attacked her kicking her in the back and the rest was a blank. But her children saw it all and her memories came back in therapy. He threw her around the room leaving her blood everywhere. Then he threw her back into the bed and began raping her and hitting her in the face. Her oldest children were able to call 911 and were advised to hide in the bathroom but they saw the rape and violence. The baby lay in the bed with Beth during everything. When the police arrived he was gone. They thought Beth and her child were dead because of the blood. She was taken to the hospital and her children placed in temporary foster care. Beth had a long recovery and lived thank God.

Today, Beth is blind in one eye, paralyzed from the waist down, and has healed from a broken back, broken legs and a broken arm. Her spleen was removed as well. They have gotten counseling and her abuser is in jail for life.

He had been listening to all of her calls somehow, and had taken the next flight out to follow her. He stayed in a motel 3 miles away and spent his first few days there picking out headstones for the graves of the 5 people in his family! He brought a gun and planned to kill them all! What made him change his mind we do not know. Perhaps the children's call to 911 saved their lives. They found him passed out drunk in his hotel room with the gun.

Beth made the choice to try and escape him on her own. It is hard to tell what the best decision was, but we knew the signs and I had even told her I was sure he was going to try to kill her. I told her about a book by Ann Rule that had a case like hers that ended in death. I recommend Ann's books to anyone in abuse or working in the field. I do know if she came to our shelter, he would have found her here too. While we do have a security system, he was obviously not to be stopped. He might have waited until she went out for the day, or he might have attemped to bust down our door and kill several people to get to her.

What can you learn from Beth's story? You can know that when you leave, the violence usually increases. They are outraged at losing control. You can know that it is safer for you to come to shelter and obtain a protective order and let us relocated you safely if needed. You can know the longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the more right the abuser feels he has to you, and the weaker you get because of the loss of self esteem. You can know your children will be traumatized by witnessing any abuse. You can know that just because someone is a police officer, Dr, lawyer, in military etc. does not mean they will not abuse you.

Please close this page and find the appropriate links for you to find safety. If you can't find a link, write me and I will find it for you.